Upon recieving the prestigious K.U.N.T title on Saturday night, I was asked to say a few words but overcome by the occasion and still suffering the effects of the night before I was stricken speechless. This is what I should of said:

Thank you thank you ladies and gentlemen, one eyed judges, incredible organisers and their slaves, fellow dream riders and pillars of society, it is with great pleasure I claim this title, after knocking on the door for many, many years. Obviously there is a tinge of regret that Lee is not here and this tarnishes the trophy somewhat but it is debatable whether or not his behaviour could have ecclipsed mine in either style, scope or amplitude.

In fact the only other serious contender was Sam, but at the final hurdle I am told his performance petered out and he was left rocking in the corner with his face in his hands giggling nervously at my alleged antics. If you were there you would have noticed I was enjoying the first big get together in a socially acceptable manner, exchanging pleasantries and renewing old warrior bonds over a couple of quieties. This happy scene was knocked sideways by the arrival of the impeccably dressed Blues brothers; Hippy & Earl brandishing a large bottle of overproof Bounty rum - no doubt paid for by Earl - yet extravagantly controlled by the dirty old Hippy. Most of this evil wolf juice somehow found its way down my neck, actually stopping my heart on several occasions. I began to stumble around like a sailor on shore leave, and the last thing i remember was requiring the relative stability of the tent ropes to maintain normal conversation.

Apparently I still had plenty of rocket fuel in the tank and was flying on auto pilot for the rest of the evening. It is alleged I started pole dancing and managed to get completely airborne and horizontal while spinning around an industrial strength tent pole. Ultimately the tent collapsed, along with my reputation yet, bizarrely I had unwittingly won the event before it had even begun.

After that things got even more messy with many other munted K.U.N.Ts taking advantage of my defencelessness and settling old scores etc. I lost my t-shirt and my dignity but mercifully thanks to the remarkable restraint of Nick and Derek escaped with my virginity intact.

Shane Murrell and I are both sporting outrageously burst blood vessels in our eyes, a possible result of a vicious eye-gouging session. Also the Hippy got punched in the head by my ex-girlfriend, which i regrettably missed despite being passed out on the ground directly beneath them at the time.

Anyway, thanks a lot for all your support over the years - I will proudly fly this Naish X10, kiteboardings ultimate prize and thank you all for coming and being such a great bunch of K.U.N.Ts once again.

Authors note: There is physical evidence of me damaging the tent, a bent 52mm diameter pole. The best minds at Ullrich aluminium are currently trying to figure out how a 75 kilo human could possibly have applied this much force? Was I helped?

Also, I took my gleaming new 12m X10 for a victory lap at vintage Tokerau yesterday. Intended as a booby prize Im sure, this five year old technology turns out to be the fastest mover ever made. It has very little else to recommend it, having been cooked up before kitelooping, depowering or dangle-passing were invented but if you're quick-witted enough to keep it out of the briny it's a helluva fast in a straight line and I challenge the lot of you to a race at next years event. I had planned to auction it on trademe and donate the proceeds to alcoholics anonymous but Im too much of a tight K.U.N.T.

Congratulations for your great achievement!!

:shock: i have never seen such a pissed kunt in my life. apart from myself of course! but at the end of the day that was what the weekend was all about. cutting lose and doing whatever u want. the dolphins were the highlight for me and of course watching everyone kite on sunday in fab conditions... shame i was unable to get it togehter and join in the fun... big thanks to all involved. lets hope for bigger and better next year!

Me too! Had a great introduction to kiting outside of Raglan, Nice to meet a bunch of happy-go-lucky people. Looking forward to seeing ya'll at the Raglan freeride. EZ